can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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