You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
