i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
