I think my vagina is haunted
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
