Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
