the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We have so much sex to catch up on
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
