3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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