C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
