is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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