I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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