I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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