Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
