I wish my penis had an off switch
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
