She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
