fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
