I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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