Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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