umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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