Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
