Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize