dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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