If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
