he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going