The maid of honor just puked.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!