I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.