You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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