I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?