Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human