im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
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I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog