I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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