Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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