Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
