ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
