these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
