I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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