Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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