just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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