Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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