I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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