Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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