we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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