My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
