JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
