I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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