So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
