Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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