I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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