I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
