I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
