Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
