Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
