they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
