Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
