Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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