One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
