ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
