i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
