Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
