o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
