this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Im part way to drunk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
