Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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