If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
