Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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