well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
