If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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