I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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