dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the day after is always just damage control
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
