i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
