To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
