Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
