i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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