Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
