I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
