Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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