I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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