dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
