Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
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just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
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I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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