just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
That's when you crack a 10am beer
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
