If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize