You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
