I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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