Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
