how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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