her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
