apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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