never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
