How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
