I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
