i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
