She said her name was "party"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
