He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
