I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
