i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Randomize
