I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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