Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
