What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
