wat bout pragnant strippers??
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We talked him into tasing himself.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
