My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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