Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
