I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
True but thats because hes a fetus.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
