my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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